So it's that time of the day again
Corax Lunch Time!
I need a theme song…

I feel so happy and relieved because last night I actually got to sit down and write a mini story —five pages long —in my "special" notebook, which actually works great because now when I pass it on digital I will probably fix it and make it longer. It feels great to just create and express yourself freely, without interruptions and without judgment, and I needed this. I needed it badly because I have been going through some really rough internal conflicts, and very hard —internal— times.
I got to finally pass judgment upon my internal enemy, the element of still a lot of anger (those who know me know who I am talking about). It's a very overwhelming emotion the one I've been feeling lately, I actually want to see her rot, and I do not have any good wishes for her, not a single one. And above all it is very strange because I am happy, I am actually very happy —happier than she'll ever be. It bothers me though that I am not out of this cycle of hate and anger, because it's not good for me; not emotionally, not mentally.
I have been reflecting a lot upon my emotions and upon my anger and I think I realize that I just have this sense inside of me that just want revenge. I am letting my primal instincts take over, and I am loosing control of my emotions little by little, something I cannot allow to happen. Thankfully now I am slowly getting back into place, my life is becoming more and more organized, and slowly I am getting to where I want to be.
A little bit more on my internal reflections: envy.  I don't know why I have decided to call it envy, though. It's a shame for someone like me to be driven mad by such pathetic emotion, but I cannot call it a sense of competition anymore. I literally do not feel good inside if I am not at the top of the things I do —or everything I bump into. Clearly I cannot keep myself on top of everything, I am only human, a human striving to be Batman, but human non-the less. I wonder where all this is coming from and all I can say is that it might be coming from a sense of emptiness.
The sensation that I need to do more, to be more, to be unsatisfied with who I am. My reflections have taken me down a path where I have discovered —and faced— my inner demons, my insecurities, my anger, and above all myself.  Where is that sense of emptiness coming from? Honestly I don't know, but I think it was the whole being an underdog in middle school and high school. I was a nobody, people picked on me, I was a slacker (I graduated high school with a 1.80 GPA), and basically every single person was better than me.
Now I see myself in a place where I am actually good at quite a few things, my GPA in college is 3.40, I get really good grades, I am good at memorizing things and it doesn't take me too long to learn a new craft. Then again I don't strive to perfect my different crafts (except photography and writing [though more in Spanish than English; I'm from Puerto Rico to those who don't know]), and I slack a lot, I get bored easily.
I've just realized that this whole reflection thing drops you down deep into the rabbit hole, but I guess it's a good thing if it is for the betterment of one-self and inner peace. I guess I have to keep digging and burning so I can get rid of this sticky nasty emotions. Hopefully I will get my answers soon, so I can begin other quests, and move on and forward in my life.
'till next time.